April 2010
3 posts
22:14PM
so the truth is finally out. i feel ill. i haven’t eaten a thing today and i’ve drank nothing but water. i feel like puking my guts out. i’m ashamed; i’m disgusted. to the point that i can’t actually live with myself. how am i supposed to?
09:24am
i can’t stop thinking about you. you’re such an asshole for seducing me when i thought we were together. sleeping with me, really? was that the only way you could have made me happier? i’m disappointed and fed up. i thought i could trust you. i can’t stand it here anymore. nobody cares. you don’t care.
all you do is turn your back on me, and have me begging for you....
March 2010
10 posts
20:52pm
I fucking hate the way I fell inlove with you from the first day I fucking met you. You’re the arsehole ill never learn to hate. Never.
20:23pm
I wish this was gonna be our summer. Say those words and i’ll spend forever and a day laying on the grass, with my head on your chest, under the sun. Like last year.
18:11pm
I guess I should be happy that we’re talking again. And i’m alive. I’m content, or I’m getting there I guess. I haven’t had one of my “therapy” sessions if you can call it that. And the more I wait, the more I can feel the loneliness sliding back into my world. I don’t want loneliness. ): I’m happy to go back to the Philippines for 3 months. I...
18:13pm
I wonder if you still get that feeling. The feeling I get, when everytime I breathe I feel empty and lonely. I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish I was yours. I wish you were mine. I wish I didn’t break up with you. I wish you didn’t accuse me of cheating. I wish you listened. I wish you wanted me back as much as I wanted you. I wish you’d tell me how much you love me like...
18:10pm
First time you didn’t kiss me goodbye. I cried a few tears on the trian.
“Please don’t say we’re done
When I’m not finished
I could...”
– The XX.
1 tag
9:41pm "I can't take care of you. Cause I need to...
Things I will do to forget you.
Stop wearing anything that reminds me of you. The jewellery you bought me, the blazer I wore on our first date, the shoes you bought me, the book I filled up with memories of you and me, the cards you gave me for christmas & Valentines day, the cute little teddy bear I love that you gave to me on Valentines.
Start eating again.
Start sleeping again.
Consume...
9:12pm
I wonder where I stand with you. I never ask because I’m too scared the answer falls short from where I’m hoping I stand. I had such a busy day today; I kept myself busy. I drew, I laughed, I sung, I smiled, I flirted. But there’s always one spare moment always saved for you, I don’t intend to do it, it just happens like instinct. I always have the strongest urge to text...
“Paranoia; it gets the best of me. And you enjoy the sight of it.”
“She’ll love him more than he’ll ever know, He’ll love her more than he’ll ever...”
February 2010
51 posts
10:39pm
First time I’ve talked to you in forever. And I don’t think your even that bothered. I got my hopes up high again. Cause for once, I’m happy. I’m not phased by you anymore. Except these stupid fucking butterflies that started fucking fluttering when I hear your voice. They need to be annihilated. I hate them. Silly stupid Clarice. He doesn’t love you anymore, let it...
Lucas Scott: Let me ask you something. Do you have an alarm in your head that goes off every time I'm happy with someone else. (Angry) What do you want from me? I flied to L.A., I asked you to marry me, you said 'No' so I moved on. Why haven't you?
Peyton Sawyer: 'Cause I should have said 'Yes'.
10:42am: NOTE TO SELF.
Stop calling you when I need someone. You’re never gonna be there for me like you used to be. It’s different. You’ve changed you priorities and your oh-so-amazing friends have knocked me from the top spot to the last one. ANd that my friend is the cycle of life.
9:25am
Ashlee, our love was magnificent. It was beyond I ever imagine. I loved you. I loved life - because of you. I found a reason to live. You were my everything. You are my everything. I miss you so much. I miss the way you talked to me like I was yours, like we we’re together. Like we were gonna be forever and nothing was ever gonna come inbetween us. Our last kiss. Our last kiss built my hope up so...
“I can never let you go.
And that is all I know.”
1 tag
“It’s not enough to say that I miss you. I feel so untouched right now....”
– The Veronicas.
8:15am
I can feel one of them days coming on. I wake up every single morning thinking about. I think of things you said and make comebacks for it. Like when you said: stop telling people I dumped you, cause you did. I broke up with you, you gave up on us. You wouldn’t give us another try. YOU GAVE UP. I have a painful grudge in my heart against you. And everytime I think about it I get so angry I...
10:08pm
Madelaine & Sam are now going out. FML. just plain FM fucking L.
9:49pm
You sent me the harshest text you could ever boil up. It actually made me want to puke. You’ve forgotton that this is my body too. And he or she, is half me too. I guess that this won’t be up for discussion.
8:36pm
Gave “Jungle Drum by Emiliani Torrini” my favouritest song ever. One last listen. I deleted it. It lost meaning.
8:24pm
“Behind every heartbreaker, a boy made her that way” Victim 1: Rioh Burke.
8:20pm
I think i’m pregnant but have fun tonight.
11:13am
Is it bad that the only thing I hope for every saturday is to see you order your green peppermint tea? Stupid me.
7:55am
a bright light phased me when I was crossing the road. I realised it was a speeding car. Yet I didn’t feel the urge to move. I wanted it to hit me, I wanted it to kill me.
7:18am
I caught myself crying over you again. I was looking through your facebook pictures, I was crying. There was a massive lump on my throat and I felt horrible. You look like a completely different. You’ve got so many new pictures. I don’t know why I’m still sticking around. You spend days on end trying to forget about me. And for you to try is bad enough. I woke up thinking it was...
10:03pm.
Today was my first day of an actual attempt of forgetting about you. I had a fun day with Chloe & Paige constantly making me laugh. I was, some kind of happy. Empty. But happy. Towards the end of the day, I was over joyed by the fact that Rioh’s texted me all day… I laughed. A real laugh, not just a fucked up miserable way. I had art last, I was doing good. I had my head in my art,...
12:14pm
I’m feeling a lot better but I have a horrible feeling in my tummy. I miss you and I hope you know :( …
6:39am
Yet another morning feeling. I can’t help but miss you. I snapped a little on Lucy yesterday because she starting bitching about you. I’m trying to forget you, not get over you. I know I told you I wouldn’t talk to Rioh anymore, but that changed. He’s the boy that makes me think about the more positive in life. He’s my friend, he reminds me of you when we used to be...
6:16pm
maybe you were right about my friends. maybe they need more credit than i’ve given them. sigh, they are amazing. they are trying to hard to keep me smiling. it’s difficult though, when all i can think about it is. and worry horribly about you. i hope you don’t get too lonely that you sleep with anybody else. because i can’t see myself sleeping with any other boy in my life....
1:39pm
Toure so cold. You don’t want to be there for me anymore. Yeah, my friends they’re there but who said they were the ones I need? You don’t think.
12:10pm
Why is it always me that we’re in the wrong?
I know I fucked up, but did I fuck up so bad that you won’t be here for me?
When your friends fell out with you and it felt like I walked out I went out my way to visit you, and make sure you’re ok… Why don’t you do the same for me? I feel like I’m not worth it, not worth of anything. My self confidence just went down...
1:35am
So you did call.
I cried. A lot.
Then I made it hard for you.
So you hung up and ignored me.
Things are just getting tough yknow? I feel like I’m losing you. That’s why I’m holding on so hard, but I think the tighter my grip, the more you want to struggle out of it. I really miss you. I feel like there’s always something missing, and I know its you. I might seem ungrateful...
10:15pm
You’re not gonna call me tonight are you? :(
9:24pm
So much for being there when I need you.
8:51pm
You should call me. I need you.
8:35pm
I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I AM a fuck-up, I don’t deserve to be happy. I never deserved you did I? I never will. Never again.
20:11pm
I can see myself going to sleep without talking to you. Oh how the thought kills me. My throat still feels like its in my stomach; will I ever feel any better? Time for bed, I can feel my eyes swelling up, and my throat closing. I hate missing needing you.
18:57pm
Ok, so you were texting me. Then you just stopped. So much for missing me too. I sometimes hate them Bailey girls, they always take your mind off me. 5 vs 1. I lose.
18:49pm
I cried a little on the phone when you said “nothing lasts forever”. I cried myself to sleep afterwards.
2 tags
“Hello. My name is Clarice. I’m inlove with a boy. But I think I’m...”
6:38pm
I hope you don’t have plans tonight. If you do, I hope you cancel them. I hope you cancelled them to hear my voice. Cause I seem to miss yours.
2 tags
5:27pm
You took my heart and breathe away. I can live without a nintendo DS.