1:35am 

So you did call. I cried. A lot. Then I made it hard for you. So you hung up and ignored me. Things are just getting tough yknow? I feel like I’m losing you. That’s why I’m holding on so hard, but I think the tighter my grip, the more you want to struggle out of it. I really miss you. I feel like there’s always something missing, and I know its you. I might seem ungrateful being your friend after what I did to you, but I’m not I’m just really desperate for you to love me and care about me how you used to when we were going out. I know I just build myself up in the disappointment because you’ll never want me in the same way again, not for awhile anyway… It saddens me. Devastation. That’s how I feel day and night. With the touch of annoyance. When you cheated on me… I gave you a chance that you didn’t deserve, so why couldn’t you do the same for me? Was it that easy to just let go? I will never know. I feel like I’ve blown it, I messed us up, I messed up our future. Were never gonna have little Cheyenne, and our puppy and kitten. And I’m never gonna end up learning how to cook your favourite dishes… Just everything down the drain. My hearts full of regret and I can’t help but HATE myself. I hate myself. I hate what I did, I hate how m£much I hurt you, I hate how much I cry over you when you hurt me in th first place. Infact, I kinda have a little hate on you because you gave up on us over me dumping you through text. Why didn’t you fight for us? I was fighting for us on my own. And I lost. I wish it turned out differently, I knew in my heart that we were forever. I hate the people that told me it was gonna be over in a week. When now I have to wait for you for years. And its not a question of do I feel like I have to because if I don’t I’m going to be stuck thinking what we could have. This is heartbreak at its most cruel. And I’m hurting, hurting so much I just want to run away and never come back. I don’t know how I can stay friends. Its hard to be friends with someone and having the constant thought of ” I love you, but you don’t think were meant to be ” I don’t know if I can go through that pain over and over again. I’m head over heels for you, I’m shouting I love you to the top of my voice, but youdon’t care. You want your life without me. And I’m stuck here, praying to God that maybe, maybe you’ll do something. Something to make it all ok. Because I’m broken, and until you come and put me back to pieces I will never be truly alright.